and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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