Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
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1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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