I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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