I wish I only lived at night.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
