i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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