Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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