Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
