the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't deserve a penis
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
