dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
