I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
