I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
