Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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