yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
