If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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