Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
