$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
