Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
