You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
