i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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