He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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