I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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