After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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