So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
