$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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