i barfeds in our rink
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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