wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
