Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
