ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
