every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
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going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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