: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
