All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
