He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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