oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
