um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
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Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize