Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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