If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
