What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My ATM looks so different sober.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
