Having a random hookup so left but love u
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
