I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
