In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
