I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My life is pants optional.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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