Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
