i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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