you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
