dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
