i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
