if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
