I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
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At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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