Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
