Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
