Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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