Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
