thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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