I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
