Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
