She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
