Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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