I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
