u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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