So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
