took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
