You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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