why do cheetos always look like penises
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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