dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
