Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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