She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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