she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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