If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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