I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
