Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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