you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
