closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
